Endless Love

 Wholeheartedly

By: Desni Citra Mumpuni

I used to have a best friend. He was with me through thick and happy, through everything. His name was Pratama but i usual call his name Tama. He was 19, and very kind to me. When I cried, he would comfort me. When I screamed, he'd fight away all my fears.

We met in 3rd grade, and we instantly became good friends. It was in 3rd grade, October 15th and I was outside,playing in my mother's garden. She had died 6 weeks after my birth,and I was yearly allowed to be in her garden. I would chase butterflies, plant flowers, or just sit on the grass and read stories to my mother. I imagined her ghost lived in the garden. But,one day, I decided to be careless and climbed a tree. My father has always been fond of my mother's big oak tree, which has been around for 14 years. I knew it wasn't wise to climb it, but I did so. I sat on a branch, and eventually that branch began to crack. Before I could climb back down, the branch broke, and I was falling towards the ground. When I reached the bottom, I found myself in the arms of a boy. He set me back onto the ground, and introduced himself as Pratama Ramdhan. I told him my name,and then my hour was up. It was time to go back inside. I said goodbye to the boy, and he quickly left, not wanting to be seen. I saw him again at school, and we hung out. We played, we told stories, we ate and I tried to climb trees again. I always would fall, just to be caught by him again.

And, when I was 17 and he was 18. We were stronger then ever, and I slowly began to feel weird around him. After a few weeks, I realized I was falling in love with him. We hung out almost everyday, except he had a job on Fridays, so we couldn't then. On Fridays, I would entertain myself with trying to find a job I could work at only on Fridays. No such luck. On the following Sunday, he didn't come over to my house. I tried calling him, and calling him, and calling him. Finally,he picked up and said he had stuff to do and he'd call me later. I felt depressed,and continued searching for a Friday job. 3 weeks passed, and still no phone call. I grew more and more depressed,and had nothing to do.

I had found a job, and ditched twice,and ended up getting fired on my second week. Finally, on October 15th, he called and asked to meet me in the garden. My mother's garden. I asked my dad for permission, I even cried a few tears, and he had agreed.

10 minutes later, I found Tama standing in the garden, his eyes cold black and dead. "I thought you wouldn't show. I heard you got a job." Tama said, and even his voice sounded cold black and dead. I nodded my head,and quietly said "I got fired, because I ditched." He nodded his head as well, as if he expected nothing less. We stood in silence for a few minutes, until I asked "Where have you been all this time? You said you'd call me. He said nothing but "Plans change." then he simply gave me a letter, and left. I didn't open the letter, I just hid it under my pillow. Every month, on the 15th, he would put a letter into my mailbox. I didn't open a single one. Until, this year came. He had turned 19 in August, and I had turned 18 in May. Even on my birthday, he didn't come, he didn't call, and nothing was inside my mailbox.

October 15th came rolling around once again, and instead of finding a letter in my mailbox, I found Tama, outside of my house. He looked very sick, and I didn't say anything. Finally,he said "You were probably expecting a letter, but today was special. Did you know that? Do you know what happened 10 years ago?" I nodded,and said "We met in my mother's garden,10 years ago." He smiled, pleased I had remembered. He gave me another letter, and said "Open it in 2 weeks." then he left. I didn't want him to go, so I shouted "Tama,wait!" He turned around. "Why do you always ditch me? You barely speak to me anymore, and I don't know why. We used to be best friends. Remember every time I tried to climb a tree, and I fell? You would always catch me. Remember when I cried, you'd hug me and hurt whoever made me cry? Remember when I would scream? You'd fight whatever made me scream, and comfort me, until I felt better. Where did that boy go? He can't be the one standing here today." He said nothing,except "People change. Plans change. Hearts change." he turned to walk away again, and I grabbed his arm tightly. "Don't do this, Tama! I don't care if you've changed, I still am your best friend, even if you don't believe so. I don't care if you've canceled on me a million times. I don't care if I've cried a million times. You are Pratama Ramadhan, and always will be my best friend." His eyes began to tear up, and he pulled his arm away. "I'm sorry I've hurt you so much. I didn't realize how big a jerk I was. Forgive me." And then he walked away, tears streaming down his face, and mine.

I ran back inside,and slammed the door. My father had gone to work. 5 hours later,the phone rang,and it said it was Tama's mom. I talked to her about Tama, and suddenly she began to cry even more. She said "Oh, Citra, I am so sorry. For the past 7 months,he's been fighting some weird illness. He went completely black, and he died an hour ago in his bed. He was holding a picture of you and him, and it looked as if he was crying. In fact,your name was the last word he said." I dropped the phone,and it broke. I fell to the ground,and I cried harder then ever. That night, at midnight, I layed in my bed. What was the point of me living in this world, if I had lost Tama? That thought replayed itself over and over, until I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped out of bed, and crossed over to the balcony. I stood on the bars,hanging onto a pole. I looked to the sky,and said "I am so sorry." and just as I was about to jump, a piece of paper landed onto the balcony ground. I turned around and noticed it was the last letter Tama had given me. Carefully, I got off the bar, and picked up the letter. Inside,it said "Citra,I am so sorry for my recent behavior. I was just so worried to die, I didn't have a proper moment with you, which probably would of been my last. If my last moment alive was with you, I'd be already in Heaven. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. And, I will always love you. If you read this, and i'm already gone, I am so sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I'll always be watching you, and maybe one day we'll be together again. And, I promise I won't hit on any girls up here. Most of them will probably be old. Joke. Goodbye Citra, and I always will love you, my dear girl." I cried again, but quickly wiped my tears. That explained everything, and I would not jump. I ran back inside,and read all the other letters. The first letter explained his illness, and that we couldn't hang out much more. All the other letters explained his progress, how he was doing, how much he missed me, and if we could ever see each other again before he went. I saved every letter in a box, and kept it under my bed.

The funeral was a week later,and I saw him one last time. They'd take the coffin away,at midnight. I asked to stay behind, for a private goodbye, and all the guests left, some still crying. The lid of the coffin was off,and I sat on a chair next to him. His skin was yellow,and his skin felt very cold. I was crying, and said "This may not be the goodbye you wanted, but it'll have to do." I was quiet,hoping he would say something, but never did. I went on. "I never read your letters, afraid of what they would of said. But, now I regret it dearly. Then, we could of had a few more times together. I love you Pratama Ramadhan, and we will always be more than best friends." then I kissed his forehead, and left. Every 15th of the month,i silently wait at the mailbox, hoping I'd receive another letter. This happened actually last year. But, 2 months ago, on October 15th... I was waiting for a letter, and finally one came. I was so shocked, I didn't dare to open it, until that night, the same moment I kissed his forehead at the funeral. The letter said "Citra,thank you for that kiss last year. It was very pleasant. I know it's been a while since our last speaking, but I can assure you, everything is fine. I still love you,and I have kept my promise. I am also glad you didn't jump that night. Love...Tama." To this now moment,I am confused on how he did that, but I do not question. All I know is I will always love and remember him.