It sucks always being the footnote in someone else’s love story.

1. Worshiping God is not about you; it’s about Him. It sounds like common sense, but so many of us have it all wrong. We find it easier to praise Him when things seem to be going extremely right, and we find it easier to cry out to Him when things seem to be going extremely wrong. When right and wrong aren’t at the extreme end of the spectrum, we tend to put God on a shelf until the next time we remember Him. I put God on a shelf this semester. My mind set going into it wasn’t about what I could give to Him, but what He was going to give to me.

         

2. Too bad people don’t fall in love at the same pace, at the same time, for the same reasons, and it’s too bad that those emotions don’t move simultaneously. But each bit of madness moved at its own pace, one not dependent on the pace of anyone else. It wasn’t like tandem skydiving, where you were connected as you fell, where you were forced to fall at the same rate and use the same parachute. Falling in love is a solo act. I knew that, I just learned the hard way. You just jump and hope that your parachute will open. Sometimes, you look up and realize that you were falling by yourself, the object of your desire still on the plane, not interested in jumping and watching you descend into that scary place alone.

         

3. It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not who they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don’t like, I’ll tell them.

             

4. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before finding the right one, so that when we finally find the right one, we will know how to be grateful.

      

5. You can’t design your life like a building. It doesn’t work that way. You just have to live it and it will design itself. Listen to what the world is telling you what to do and take the leap.

            

6. Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be.

          

7. There’s a God that walks over the earth searching for a heart that will love Him.

            

8. I count all things as lost, compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing God.

          

9. People say that it’s the bad memories that cause the most pain, but actually, it’s the good ones that drive you insane. 

10. If you want me in your life, put me there. I shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.

        

11. There is a difference between love and like, and wrong and right. Never run if you’re not ready to step. And never forgive if you’re not ready to forget.

           

12. Honestly, I don’t need someone that sees what’s good about me. I need someone that sees the bad, and still wants me.

                

13. He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there is always one guy that is perfect for you.

     

14. We long for love and relationship and healing and hope. We long for holiness, for a closer walk with Jesus, for God’s truth to speak louder than the noise of the world. When we long for the right things, we find a different sort of love. The kind of love that will never let go of us, never let us down. Never walk away or disown us. A love that know us and our flaws, but stays anyways. For us to long for God is to long for a perfect love. God’s word promises if we start longing for that perfect love, everything…absolutely everything will follow that longing. God created our ability to long for love. But He wants us to long for His perfect love. 

       

15. We have no idea, now, of who or what the inhabitants of our future might be. In that sense, we have no future. Not in the sense that our grandparents had a future, or thought they did. Fully imagined cultural fixtures were the luxury of another day, one in which ‘now’ was of some greater duration. For us, of course, things can change so abruptly, so violently, so profoundly, that futures like our grandparents’ have insufficient ‘now’ to stand on. We have no future because our present is too volatile…we only have risk management. The spinning of the given moment’s scenarios. Pattern recognition.

          

16. It’s not about the labels or becoming official. It’s about getting to know someone well enough to develop genuine feelings for them. It’s about being understanding and forgiving when situations are at their worst. It’s about loving someone, not for what they have to offer, but for who they are. It’s never about blaming your significant other for not treating you like how you want to be treated, it’s about how hard they try to keep you around.

           

17. We all want to believe that love is this magical thing that fixes our problems and makes things perfect. We look for the love that we see in movies and fall for all of Hollywood’s lies. But the truth is, love will never be like that. Love is something you have to work at and fight for. It’s not always pretty and it’s definitely not magic, because not even love can keep two people together if they don’t try.

            

18. We are born for wonder, for joy, for hope, for love, to marvel at the mystery of existence, to be ravished by beauty of the world, to seek the truth and meaning, to acquire wisdom, and by our treatment of others to brighten the corner where we are.

          

19. Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime, therefore, we are saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore, we are saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone. Therefore, we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own; therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness.

          

20. There are dreamers and there are realists in the world. You think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but often than not, the opposite is true. See, the dreamers need to realists to keep the dreamers from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

            

21. I wish it could be simple, like a retro pop song. I want you to want me. BOOM. End of story, we all live happily ever after..but it’s really never like that, is it?         

22. God gave me five fingers for a reason. My pinky is for my best friends, and our promises that will never be broken. My ring finger is for that special someone, and proof that we will be together forever. My middle finger is for that boy who has pushed me too far, and to show him how I feel. My pointer finger is to silence them all. And my thumb is for everyone- to let them know that I’m gonna be okay! No matter what.

        

23. Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who’s in love gets sad when they think of the person they’re in love with. It’s like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven’t seen in a long time.

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24. Love, being in love, isn’t a constant thing. It doesn’t always flow at the same strength. It’s not always like a river in flood. It’s more like the sea. It has tides; it ebbs and flows. The thing is, when love is real, whether it’s ebbing or flowing, it’s always there. It never goes away. And that’s the only proof you can have that it’s real, and not just a crush or an infatuation or a passing fancy.

         

25. Because, it’s only when you’re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it’s only when you’re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what life has.

         

26. “Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 

          

A life without cause is a life without effect.

So, I’m trying something different tonight. For some reason, I’m getting a little bit of inspiration to just write. No quotes, no pictures, just words on a blank sheet of paper.

I’ll admit; I’ve never been a writer. I’ve never been a person that’s totally comfortable writing about myself or about the things I’ve been through. Maybe it’s because I’m not totally comfortable with myself or maybe it’s because I have a really hard time just letting go and learning how to trust people. I feel like people get really frustrated with me because I have a really hard time letting people find out who I really am. Sometimes, I feel like if I give everything away- my thoughts, my fears, my feelings- that once that person decides to leave (which they always do at one point or another), I won’t have anything left to myself. I love my best friends, and I have no earthly idea what I would do without them, but they don’t know everything about me, and sometimes, it’s really hard because I want to feel like I can tell them everything. I’ve been told so many times that I just have an absolute perfect knack for pushing people away. Maybe the reason why I purposefully push people away is because I’ve been burned too many times and I’ve learned to just keep it all in.

I’ve learned a lot this last year- who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life, what my deepest fears are, what makes me so happy. There are still a ton of things that I have yet to learn, and for me, life is constantly showing me that I don’t know everything. I’m still learning. I’m still learning how to be a better person. And how to be a better friend. And how to be a better daughter. And how to be a better student. I’m not perfect- far from it. It frustrates me when people think I’m perfect or that I try to act like I’m perfect because I don’t smoke, drink, or throw my body at men. People always ask why I’m not a typical college student that goes out and drinks and seamlessly flirts with guys, but the thing is, I’m not trying to be perfect. At all. I feel like people won’t respect you unless you have respect for yourself. People should love you for your heart, not because of what you look like or the things that you’ve done. You shouldn’t have to get drunk or smoke. If you show people your heart and how much you care about them, people will like you for you. And if they don’t, well it’s their loss. I think that one of the biggest things that I’ve learned this year is that there’s so much to people than meets the eye, and people are so much bolder and so much more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. Just remember, that sometimes, the way you think about a person, isn’t the way they actually are.

None of us are perfect, and we’re trying; constantly trying- and struggling- to make sense out of this crazy world. We’re expected to know exactly who we are and who we want to be, and what we want out of life. We’re expected to know whether we want that white house with the picket fence or how many kids we want; or even if we want to get married. We’re expected to have that 4.0 GPA or IP  in college and get into Civil Engineering and become as successful as we can. There’s so many struggles and so many pressures that constantly weigh down on us.  But the reality is, we all make mistakes. Every single one of us. Even me. But there’s only one person that I can think of that doesn’t make mistakes - and that’s God. God created you for a reason. And God doesn’t make mistakes.  And if there’s one thing I know- I am perfectly content with not being perfect.

I’m sorry for just kind of jumping around with my words tonight. I’m still kind of new to this whole “writing out your feelings thing.” I hope that what I’ve written tonight makes sense, but if it doesn’t, I promise I’ll get better in time! I promise that my next post will be more organized and clearer! I am so blessed by every single one of you and I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read my posts-it means so much to me. I want you to know that I’m so overwhelmed by the messages that you’ve sent me, telling me how wonderful my posts are and how life-changing they are. I’m so incredibly glad and I’m so in awe that I can be that person for y’all.

To my incredible best friends who read these- you make my heart so happy when you let me know that you read these. I’m so blessed to have such wonderful, incredible, BEAUTIFUL people in my life. I’m so grateful that you have always been there for me, even though I’ve given you every reason in the world to not be friends with me anymore. Thank you for being there through all the frustrations, jealousies, fights and anxiety attacks- I am so grateful to have you in my life. I promise that I’m trying and I’m learning how to be a better friend to all of you. Thank you for the ups and downs, and most importantly, for the good times. I miss all of you, and I hope to see you soon! I love you all more than you’ll ever know. Y’all are my rock.

Last, but not least- to my wonderful family- thank you so much for supporting me and loving me everyday. I’m so blessed to have such an amazing family that really cares about me and constantly encourages me to fight for my dreams. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family that has molded me into the person that I am, and I love each of you so, so, so much. Y’all have been my light in times of darkness.